


Real life of Leeum Payno the Bratwurst

by KayleighMcCamyo



Series: Groupchats of One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer [1]
Category: One Direction
Genre: Complete crack, Crack, Humor, M/M, Sarcasm, Slash, blowjob, groupchat, im sorry, larry stylinson - Freeform, niall is the captain of his ship, the reason why zayn has left the band, this isnt funny, why would i
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:56:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4464572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayleighMcCamyo/pseuds/KayleighMcCamyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leeum Payno the Bratwurst: stop trying to creep when theyre about to have sex.</p><p>Nando’s boy: Like i could. Tommo’s been watching his back lately. Everytime theyre about to bang, he looks in the closet, under the bed, behind the table and he also checks windows, he even goes to the bathroom and balcony. Seriously he looked under the carpet the last time i was hidden behind the curtain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Real life of Leeum Payno the Bratwurst

First groupchat of: One direction

 

Niall Horan (Nando’s boy) has started a group chat. He‘s invited: Harry, The Tommo, Bad Boi Malik a Leeum Payno the Bratwurst.

 

 **Nando’s boy** : WHAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPP

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : Harry’s dick I guess.

 **Nando’s boy** : OMG TRUUUUUUUU

 **The Tommo** : Payne htfud

 **Harry** : Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

 **Nando’s boy:** what the fuck is htfud

 **Harry:** acronym

 **Nando’s boy:** well don't u say?!

 **Harry:** …

 **Harry** : …

 **Harry** : …

 **Nando’s boy:** omg are you rewriting the great gatsby there or what omg

**Harry: …**

**The Tommo:** :DDDDD

 **Harry:** htfud is an acronym for how the fuck u dare

 **The Tommo:** ^^

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : omg to fuck somewhere else

 **The Tommo** : fuita

 **Nando’s boy:** i wanna know what it means

 **Harry** : …

 **Nando’s** **boy** : but haz’d spent like half a day rewriting the new statement  

 **Harry** : …

 **Nando’s boy:** so im gonna play smart and imma say it means „fuck urself in the ass“

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** wait for it

 **Harry:** …

 **Nando’s boy:** no no no new statement, i made a huge mistake, he's rewriting urban dictionary

 **Harry** : …

 **The Tommo** : :DDDD

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** omg

 **Harry** : fuita means fuck urself in the ass

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** *facepalm*

 **Nando’s boy** : I get a stamp in a loyalty program?

 **Harry** : …

 **Nando’s boy** : oh my fucking god can someone remind me why are we friends with him

 **Harry** : …

 **Harry** : …

 **Nando’s boy** : oh for the love of living jesus you rather ring me hazza

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** id say with a dick in his mouth is not easy to type

 **Harry** : …

 **The Tommo** : omg :DDDD

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** and kinda hard to talk through.

 **Harry** : …

 **Nando’s boy** : wow. U fucking serious or

 **Harry** :…

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : theyre just next door

 **Nando’s boy:** sweet jesus WHERE THE FUCK IS MY IRISH LUCK??!!!?

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : you tell me about it, srsly. You don't have to listen to them!

 **Harry** : …

 **Nando’s boy** : YES EXACTLY  I CAN'T  LISTEN TO THEM OH MY GOD?!?!?

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : for the love of god niall u should get laid finally and stop creeping when theyre having sex

 **Nando’s boy** : if i could, id be creeping right infront of them, when they actually have the sex, in real life.

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : like you aren't creeping when they have sex.

 **Harry** : …

 **Nando’s boy** : i wish i could. Tommo’s been watching his back lately. Everytime theyre about to bang, he looks in the closet, under the bed, under  the table and he checks all windows, he even goes to the bathroom and balcony. Seriously he looked under the carpet.

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** ...how do you know?

 **Nando's boy:** I saw him the last time i was hidden behind the curtain.

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : why the fuck am i even here

 **Nando’s boy** : daddy.

 **Harry** : …

 **The Tommo** : omfg DON'T FUCKIGN USE THIS OWRD?!?!!?

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : why.

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : literally why.

 **Harry** : …

 **Nando’s boy** : because u not helpin meh to creep when larry bang.

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** oh dear lord why are you so obssessed with them

 **Nando’s boy:** im writing a new fanfic! need inspiration!

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : … literally... literally why. 

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : oh dear god why are you punishing me like this

 **Nando’s boy:** I think i have writers block

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** why did i sign in for this band

 **Nando’s boy** : maybe i could install a camera in their room next time?

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** i thought theres bright future waiting for me

 **Nando’s boy:** maybe i could catch a glimpse of them kissing later

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** that we gonna play concerts and sing and travel probably and have fans

 **Nando’s boy:** maybe ill get lucky and they gonna cuddle backstage

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst:** and write songs and meet other artists

 **Nando’s boy:** maybe i could try to sneak into the ventilation shaft

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : and somehow, i am sitting in the bathroom with full on anxiety and headphones over my ears so i don't have to listen to my one of my bandmates

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : moaning ‚yeah daddy‘

 **Nando’s boy** : omg why can't i have your room

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : ill trade immediatelly

 **Nando’s boy** : YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 **Harry** : …

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : well judging by the sound Harry isn't typing a message, but swallowing a load heavily

 **Nando’s boy** : yeah perf so harry’s done? Finally, maybe i can sneak into their room under the pretense of bad wifi connection in my own room

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : …I can't believe this is my real life.

**Bad Boi Malik has left the conversation.**

**Nando’s boy** : why would you leave?!? It could have been fun. I could tell you every detail of what theyre doing. I coudl even let you read the new chapter in advance.

 **Leeum Payno the Bratwurst** : Well, after this conversation be glad he’s left only the bandchat, and not the band.  


End file.
